People don’t know how or who to love….
I was walking on the street minding my own business when I suddenly had to stop. Everything went black in front of my eyes, so I had to find some place to sit. After finding that corner of heaven (a.k.a. bench), I closed my eyes and, with that, managend to reach another world. I opened them and saw the same place I was before, but everyone was smiling and seemed happy… everyone but me… I got scared, became frustrated and closed my eyes again. Opening them after a while I found myself in the same sad world with empty people I had been in before. I felt relieved…
I went home feeling confused and nervous. Turned on the computer and the player started (as always) with the music I had been getting used to for so long. Sensing that I am encaged by my own clothes, I decided to take them off and just stay like that so that I could feel the air on my skin. I laid down on the bed with nothing on but my thoughts. It felt so cold and lonely… but somehow familiar…
As I was closing my eyes, scared to keep them open anymore, one of my favorite songs started in the speakers of that “beast” on my desk I became so addicted to. That instant my body froze in loneliness and sadness, unable to move, traped in a dark place where all I could see was a figure I knew so well and have been craving for ever since I found out about it’s existence…
He was so close, so close that I couldn’t even touch him. No matter how hard I tried to grab his hand, I wasn’t allowed to. My voice wasn’t reaching him, I couldn’t say anything, ’cause “destiny” didn’t want to permit us to feel for eachother. In the end I decidede to give up, so he vanished and I stood in the dark, alone once again. That’s when I understood that things are impossible only if we allow them to be. Dissapointed and ashamed of my own gauntness, I closed my eyes once more and started crying. It felt so natural, I guess I became used to doing it whenever I let my weakness overcome me…
I managed to stop crying and open my eyes. I found myself to be in bed, as I laid before, but wraped in my blanket. Getting up, I noticed that the bed sheet held sings that the tears from my dream were as real as the full moon I could see out the window. The computer was playing the same song as when I closed my eyes. What had happen? How long had I been dreaming? Who put the blanket on me, because there was noone home except me? Couldn’t find any answer to these questions and never intended to do so after that moment.
I am just hoping that, unable to say anything to me as I couldn’t to him, he managed to cover me up, leaving a sign so I can see he exists and that it’s not impossible for us to… But why? How can I reach him? People don’t know how or who to love; they just accept anything that comes their way and end up staying with the wrong person for the rest of their lives (or searching for the right one near them), never thinking that, maybe, just maybe, they should search far and fight life hard to find that hapiness they crave for so badly. So what if he’s far and it seems impossible to reach him? I have decided: I’ll do my best in finding a way to fight “destiny”… I have the right to love whom ever I choose, no matter where he is or what our differences are…
It’s my fight… I wanna learn how to love…
pmg thoughts 